Not Quite The Future You've Been Waiting For
If you follow VR news at all, then you can't have escaped the ridiculous hype juggernaut surrounding Bonelab. It's been hailed as a system seller, the Halo of VR, the future of VR. Well, it's out now, and as one of the few channels that haven't surrendered to the temptation of breaking the review embargo or drowning Youtube with frenzied, frothing clickbait, we're ready and willing to give you our honest thoughts on the game.
First up, a bit of context. Most of us have experienced the syndrome where we don't engage with a piece of media simply because of hype or popularity. I, for example, have still never watched Game of Thrones. Sometimes this turns out to be justified - my first rodeo as a professional games reviewer was Driv3r, an overhyped mess quickly vilified by the press and public alike with good reason. Sometimes, however, because I've been allergic to the popularity around something, as a punter, I've missed out on some gems until comparatively late in the day. Fight Club, Breaking Bad, and Super Mario 64 are a few examples from my personal list of shame. I'd already grown weary of the hype train around Bonelab months ago, but knowing I was reviewing it, I tried to remain as objective in my opinion as possible. I set out to review the game as a first-time player with as few preconceptions and expectations as possible.
Well, here goes nothing. I think Bonelab is crap. I think it's crap for many reasons, which I'll try to go into here, but the main one is that it feels bloody awful to play.
I'm not here to review a game engine, its 'potential', or what it might be like in a few months when the modders have taken it apart and reformed it. What we have now is a messy, janky, hugely overpriced sandbox which thinks it's far, far better than it is. Nearly every single design decision here is wrong-headed, and it all stems from the fact that interacting with the world and inhabiting it is borderline unpleasant. On the Quest, at least, the engine does everything it can to convince you that you aren't playing it properly or holding the controllers right and that you don't get it.
I don't really give a shit about spoiling the game because it does that itself. But we won't show the game's opening out of sensitivity, so here is a trigger warning. I'm going to discuss the intro level, which contains some content that might be disturbing. If matters around suicide or self-harm might be upsetting for you, please skip forward to the next time stamp. Still here? OK. One of the very first things you do in Bonelab is walk up to a rope noose and physically put it around your neck. No trigger warning, and no option to skip. You don't have to be a qualified psychologist to ascertain that this might be a pretty irresponsible thing to put in a game, particularly with no establishing narrative context. I a qualified psychologist, and I can say with some authority that it's a dick move. It doesn't contribute anything beyond giving edgelord content creators something about which to say 'that's sick, man' as they pretend high-five their anti-woke fans.
Even if this doesn't bother you, the fact is that what should be a showcase tutorial level highlights everything that's turd about BoneLab. Standing naturally with your hands holding the Quest controllers makes your hands look like they've had fingers broken. Using the analogue sticks to move or jump makes you waggle your thumbs, and it looks ridiculous. Movement feels imprecise and unpredictable. Objects have no sensation of mass, and clipping and sticky objects abound, making melee combat a flailing chore. The holstering/inventory system feels inept and counterintuitive. It's like Stress Level Zero have compiled everything wrong with most VR games and then genericised everything it found until Bonelab became demonstrative of the least enjoyable ethos of any given category.
Just as the narrative portion of the game gets going, it stops. Then dumps you into a hub where you are forced to experience the different mini-games, moddable content and subsections of the game before you move on. The flow is appalling. Imagine completing the first chapter of Half-Life 2 and then being dumped in a Garry's Mod bowling level. According to the press release, the devs don't want to 'hand hold' and want to concentrate instead on 'player agency'. This is a mistake because the awful, rubbery feel of the game engine does not encourage experimentation or exploration. It's all a chore. Parkour is a nightmare and yet has its own section. Puzzles are either overwrought or insultingly simple.
Time and time again, the game presents you with physical interactions that would be far easier to perform in real life. VR should be about empowerment and immersion. It's a long time since a VR game has made me so painfully aware of the gulf between my corporeal presence and my avatar. Try climbing or grabbing something, and you'll invariably end up pulling an ammo clip from your holster, which you can't just put back. Navigating the tops of ladders and other climbing points is just nasty. So on, and so on.
And everywhere, the off-brand Valve Software feel persists. From the robot versions of headcrabs, the gas-masked soldiers, the gun turrets, the buttons... It thinks it's clever and meta like Portal, but it doesn't come close to the cleverness in design, narrative or feel that Valve is capable of. Level after level of unenjoyable dross goes by, occasionally throwing in a pseudo-edgy plot point. THE FUTURE OF VR scream other channels. So why, in the name of Gordon Freeman's left bollock, do we have an on-rails minecart shooting level? Does the future of VR reveal itself before or after the 'Street Puncher' section, which actually plays far worse than Drunkn Bar Fight? Am I too devoid of vision to see that the future of VR lies in endless bland corridor gunfights against dumb, shuffling crash test dummies that constantly fall over themselves? If so, I'll stick with the past of VR. Things like Half-Life: Alyx. Or Superhot. Or Sairento. Or, you know, anything else which actually feels great to play.
There isn't a single thing that Bonelab does better than other games, and most of those other games can be bought far more cheaply, and a lot of them are even free. Gunplay is OK but completely unchallenging. It's also quite challenging to reload some guns without your avatar looking like they've got some sort of degenerative bone disorder or moving like a dainty princess.
Melee combat is terrible and weightless. Climbing is horrible.
I'm not impressed by the engine, either. Whilst it looks better than a lot of other Quest games, the frame rate can be chuggy, and some textures literally look like they're from the original PlayStation. I can't express how ungainly the avatars look whilst doing practically anything and how immersion-breaking this is. The dev team have obviously watched some Youtube video or Blu-Ray extra where an ex-Navy Seal has imparted wisdom about firearms training whereby the trigger finger is kept against the body of the gun and only rests on the trigger when firing. The result is that whilst your in-game hands waggle and twist when moving around, your trigger finger doesn't curl around gun triggers until pressed all the way in, despite what your hand is actually doing on the controller. Nothing seems to have been thought through from the right direction.
And don't get me started on the music. It veers between parping monstrously and screaming electronic dirges. The game only scores as highly as it does because you can turn the music off.
Bonelab is a howlingly empty, malformed experience. Yes, in terms of the possibilities that may present themselves with modding in the future, it's a little more promising, but the same could be said of VR Chat, and that's free. It doesn't matter how scaleable the worlds are or how many avatars you can inhabit if it all feels so dreadful to play. I have nothing but contempt for other channels that have built this up because there are other, smaller, more original titles that are quietly perfecting VR as a game medium and are well worth championing. (They're also a fraction of the ridiculous price being charged for this). Instead, the hype machine is in meltdown, hungry for clicks, over an unoriginal, vaguely unpleasant engine in search of a nucleus or a decent plot. As it stands, and until the community makes more of it, BoneLab is, genre by genre, outclassed by many similar games, many of which are free.
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13 comments
This is the worst take I've ever seen. He would understand the story if he had played the two previous entries and followed the story. You, as the player, need to use your IMAGINATION to enjoy the SANDBOX game.
How about just using your imagination without even downloading a game or putting on your headset? Wouldn't THAT be an even better game :) ?
"‘that’s sick, man’ as they pretend high-five their anti-woke fans." This part right here made me physically cringe. What a stupid take and a random attempt to attack a group of people for absolutely no reason. Based on this, and other comments, I can tell that this review is an emotionally charged, biased one. No thank you. Whatever the hell type of website this is needs to consider a new journalist. Particularly one who does not complain and actually reviews a game for the gameplay without stupid hot takes that absolutely no one cares about when reading a game review. "I <em>am</em> a qualified psychologist, and I can say with some authority that it’s a dick move." Literally no one cares and no one asked. Just an excuse to talk about yourself and something that triggered you. "I am a qualified psychologist and as one I feel the inherent need to make it known to anyone and everyone because my ego is so inflated". "but the same could be said of VR Chat, and that’s free." Comparing two completely different games. "As it stands, and until the community makes more of it, BoneLab is, genre by genre, outclassed by many similar games, many of which are free." You never stated other games besides vr chat to back up this statement making this information completely irrelevant. A psychologist that does not do research? Scary stuff. This article pissed me off so much and the amount of irrelevant information put into it shows that some people really need to keep their noses out of video games. I see an admin mouthing off in the comments as well. A video game critic that can't take criticism on their own critiquing? You are talking about hype so let's talk about hype. It is clear that you had a preconcieved opinion on the game based on all the comments on not liking things people hype up (wow super edgy). "I hate the hype train so I will never watch or play hype games because clearly I have better taste than anyone else here and if I have to I will go in with a negative outlook and hate everything anyway." is basically what you are saying. Plus, this review is based on the Quest version and not on an actual high-end machine where the game really gets a chance to shine LOL. You opt in for the cheaper option, you usually will get shittier results. This article should be titled "An Extremely Biased Opinion On the Quest Version of Bonelab".
I will say that this review was a little bit too critical on the jank as it's a physics-based game, so it should be expected to have some jank. I mostly agree with this review, but as I am a quest only user, my opinion is influenced by the fact I can't play half life alyx or boneworks.
Made this account just to comment. It honestly sounds like a little kid made this review. You would think Bonelabs stole his lunch money and he went home to get smacked by his pops as well lol. This game saved my quest from collecting dust and imo it's the best quest game I own and I have plenty of others. The engine is impressive and the physics can sometimes be hilarious in a very good way. Climbing and other mechanics like Melee definitely take time. So sounds like a major skill issue if you can't handle it. I find myself revisiting the campaign many many times trying to find collectables as well as clear levels in different ways. Almost sounds like you never gave it a chance. Oh and you can easily put ammo back just like you would holster a gun. But again... Skill issue.
Made an account just to comment on how poorly structured this review was, and how the person who made it is downright childish as hell and can't take people criticizing his review based on his replies to the comment section. Cry more you condescending neanderthal.
Thank you for making an account. As for the review, the 'person who made it' (surely you mean 'wrote it') is, as clearly indicated Doc Neale. He has not replied to a single comment.
I think this review nailed it. I don't like this game for many of the same reasons outlined here (although I do like the music). The game is "cool". But "cool" isn't worth $40 to me. Some of the mini-games like arena are fun but the campaign is anything but. Maybe I need to be 40 or 50 years younger to like it. Maybe it just isn't for me. The modding aspect is interesting but why would I want to mod a game where the AI characters are constantly falling down while simply walking? Where the game seems to be confused constantly by my arm movements. Where the climbing is BY FAR the worst I've ever seen. Where aiming and shooting reliably seems to require a 7th sense I don't seem to have. I wouldn't call this game garbage, but I don't want to play it anymore. Very frustrating.
Bro says it has a noose😭. Beta Male.
Only Zeta males refer to other males as alphas or betas or are in any way concerned about where they might lie in some fictitious misogynistic hierarchy that haunts you rent-free.
What a terrible review. You’re clearly just being too harsh because as you said in the review, you naturally hate things that have a lot of hype. You’re objectively wrong about the soundtrack and you can’t just focus on what you don’t like about the game. I also find it hilarious about your issues with the intro. Are you really so sensitive and sheltered that a noose is enough to upset you? If you think a game needs trigger warnings during the gameplay then you clearly shouldn’t be playing any mature-rated games.
First of all, allow me to thank you for reading our review. It's interesting that you noted Doc's explicit admission that he hates hype, and yet chose to ignore him saying that he "<span style="color: rgb(68, 68, 68);">set out to review the game as a first-time player with as few preconceptions and expectations as possible." </span> <span style="color: rgb(68, 68, 68);">So do you only take Doc at his word when he says something you like, then ignore his words when he says something you don't? Cool.</span> <span style="color: rgb(68, 68, 68);">Nothing demonstrates fanboyism more than saying that anybody who doesn't like what they like is 'objectively' wrong. You are both the Titanic and its iceberg all at once.</span> It's hard to focus on anything other than what you don't like about a game when you simply don't like anything about it. Besides, Doc did clearly imply that he liked the fact that the game allows you to turn the music off. Surely that counts. It has options. It has options galore. If only options were enough to make a game fun. Alas, you know what they say about wishes and horses. One does not have to be sensitive to know that other people exist who are, and it's a clear demonstration of your sense of entitlement and complete psychopathy to neglect the know traumatizing impact of depictions of self-harm to those who have had suicidal ideations or who know others who have taken their lives. The fact that you think Doc himself must be sensitive about it shows an incredible lack of sympathy, empathy, and perhaps more surprisingly, basic imagination. Are you so 'sheltered' that Doc's compassion for such people is enough to upset you? Perhaps you needed a trigger warning for this review! Here how about this? "This review may exhibit sympathy to people dealing with mental health issues, depression, or suicidal ideation. If sympathy towards such issues triggers you, perhaps you should skip it." You sound like somebody who enjoys pulling wings off flies, or tying up dogs and torturing them. If so, you should seek some therapy. Such issues will not serve you well in life, and will more than likely lead to a life of involuntary loneliness and despair.
This review is so dumb. So unforgiving for the worst reasons. Especially on the topic of the intro and soundtrack, the noose isn't implemented to be "edgy" it's a genuine part of the character's story. What, you think they only put people in cages in the middle ages? <strong>NO! </strong>THEY HUNG PEOPLE. On the topic of the soundtrack, I speak for most of the people that have played when I say the soundtrack is amazing, it fits the environments very well and invokes emotion in parts of the game that need it most. Just play the last level and you'll understand what I mean, just because it's electronic music does not mean it's <strong>bad music.</strong> Graphically, it had to be worse than BoneWorks to account for it's release on the Quest 2. The developers, Stress Level Zero, took on a massive challenge of bringing a BoneWorks-styled experience to the Quest 2; it wasn't done perfectly but what matters is that they've brought this amazing universe to a larger audience on the Quest platform. Lets not ignore your speech about the game being too much like Half Life. Most NPCs, including the ones you were angered about, have a reason to exist in the world. The "gas masked soldiers" are AI designed to eliminate any threat in the area; the "robot headcrabs" are corrupted VR headsets that are trying to spread the corruption to the player. The gun turrets are enemies designed to be powerful obstacles that can be avoided primarily by picking up an object and using it as a shield, and the buttons? <strong>Are buttons just exclusive to Valve games now?</strong> Most of this review feels more like a list of why the game sucks than an actual review. Sure, there are some things that were done wrong; the parkour feels bad and the puzzles are extremely inconsistent, but that's pretty much it. It's genuinely an improvement over BoneWorks and it shows; it made over $1 Million within its first hour of being released and is currently known as the fastest selling VR game of all time. <em>You'd be better off just saying "the game made my tummy hurt" and moving on.</em>